my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
zippers are such a cool invention
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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