my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
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