Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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