I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
