Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
