dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
