i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
