I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
