New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
