Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
