quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
