): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
