I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just got carded by a ten year old.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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