OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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