Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
