Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
