remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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