I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
