but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
