I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This baby is an asshole
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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