new low.... made out with someone while peeing
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
