I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You smell like stripper and shame
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
