Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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