just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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