Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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