the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
