You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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