Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
someone threw a dead crab at me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
