Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
