Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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