im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
