Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
