Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
