She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
