i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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