that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't notice because vodka
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
