He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i will never coherently bang her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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