Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
