Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
