we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Even my vagina gasped.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
