It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
