New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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