Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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