So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
