i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
