I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
