You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
