I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
