I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
