my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
