Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
