There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
