he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
