Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
