One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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