the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
