does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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