"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
