You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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