would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
