OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
